


i love her

by kan9



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:42:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23364136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kan9/pseuds/kan9
Summary: Sometimes the only reason why you won't let go of what's making you sad is because it was the only thing that made you happy.orLisa's trying to get over Kim Jennie.(Might be a temporary summary, we'll see)
Relationships: Jennie Kim/Lalisa Manoban | Lisa
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	i love her

What is another word for friendship? Companionship? Brotherhood? Sisterhood? A bond between either two people or more? A pact?

All Lisa knows is that every friendship has an ending, an inevitable ending, that no one can put a stop to. Life is harsh, but there are ways to make life easier for all of the people, including Lisa. Make friends. Fall in love. Travel. Party. Do whatever that is needed to put one’s head at ease. To find that inner peace and happiness.

Lisa did all of them; she had all of them, but yet she lost them all. 

She fell in love with a friend whom she traveled and partied with. Now they’re nothing but traumatic memories. 

She no longer befriends new people. She no longer wants to be in love, let alone fall in love. She doesn’t travel to the places where they went, and she doesn’t go to the parties they used to be at. She simply does no longer want to acquaint with things that would put her mind through unnecessary suffering. So, for her protection and her own good, she strays from everything and everyone. However, that is what she would prefer. As said before, life is harsh and she can’t escape reality, unfortunately.

It doesn’t matter though. Lisa is used to this. She is used to holding up a façade, but holding up one has, of course, its consequences. She’s aware of them and even though she knows of the consequences; she prefers to tackle them once they hit her. It’s, after all, not her first time dealing with painful episodes of her life. They’re not easy to deal with and they don’t get any easier as time passes. But that’s life, and how she chooses to deal with it is another story.

“Lisa,” Mina calls, waving, as she had just entered the school building. “When did you get here?”

“Uh, like 30 minutes ago? Had to get in earlier to submit my assignment to Mr. Do. You’ve already submitted yours, right?” Lisa hugs the latter once she approached her.

Mina withdraws. “Mhm, two weeks ago maybe, close to three weeks I think.”

“Show-off,” Lisa teases her, and her doe-like eyes squint as she smiles.

“I’m answering your question, Manoban.” Mina playfully pushes her as they walk forward to the lecture hall, queuing up after their classmates.

“Still a show-off.” She laughs soundly.

“Piss off.”

“You love me,” she says and they both walk up the stairs and get in the middle aisle, taking their seats furthest in.

“I love you less now,” Mina murmurs but Lisa knows she’s joking. Or is she? Yeah, no, Lisa has to stop with the overthinking.

The lecture hall begins to get filled with students, some they know of and some of them they’ve never seen before. Lisa guesses it’s people who are interested in improving their English, just like Lisa and Mina are. Besides, it’s good for future jobs (the future in general really), and English will always be handy when traveling or helping foreigners. She likes English, but she’s gone rusty after having not spoken it for years now. The only time she has ever needed to use the language is when she speaks with her dad or well, yeah, helping out a foreigner. And that doesn’t happen very often.

The duo takes out their belongings for the class and as the first lecture for the day begins, Lisa rips off a piece of paper and writes on it. On the little note, it says: ‘ _I’ll treat you lunch if you love me more_.’ Once it’s written, she slides it onto Mina’s desk and draws her attention back to the lecturer whilst she waits for Mina to write back.

She doesn’t.

Instead, she whispers, “You know I didn’t mean that.”

Lisa knows, but there’s just this _voice_ in her head that questions and doubts everything nowadays.

Lisa tilts her head to Mina, looking her in the eyes. Mina searches for any hints or any red flags in Lisa’s eyes, wanting to know what is going inside her head. Truth be told though; she has never been able to read her friend’s mind as it’s one of a kind. It’s neither positive nor negative, it’s just the way Lisa is. She has her ups and downs, and Mina nor Lisa’s friends know when she is about to tip over the cliff. Therefore, Mina always tries to look after any hints, but she’s never successful.

“I still want to treat you to though,” Lisa smiles hugely.

There’s the reason. Lisa always smiles, but the second she is no longer smiling is when it’s too late; she has already tipped over. They can’t rescue her because that’s something only she can do. They’ve tried to rescue her before but in the end, it came out as useless words and actions from her point of view. Because she saw it as a never-ending circle, the same answers, same words; they no longer affected her. What they all can offer her is listening to her and let her talk about it until she doesn’t anymore. That’s when they know she has started to climb up again.

Mina smiles thinly before saying, “All right.”

The best Mina can do is to be there for her friend.

-

“Have you seen ‘Love is Blind’ yet?” Wendy asks, poking her fork into her food repeatedly before shoving the salad in her mouth, munching.

“Nah, not yet. Well… I did see a few episodes of it but haven’t really gotten into the show. Can’t remember any of the couples beside Lauren and Cameron, and uh, Mark and Jennifer? Is it Jennifer?”

“Jessica,” Wendy swallows her food before correcting her friend. “I _love_ Lauren and Cameron. They’re the most problem-free couple in the show and Mark? They honestly should name the show ‘Mark is Blind’ instead of ‘Love is Blind’.”

Lisa chuckles, leaning back to the chair and crosses her leg over the other. “Why’s that?”

“You’ll have to see for yourself.” Wendy turns her attention to Mina, “Mina, you’ve seen it right?”

“Yeah, I finished it a couple of days ago.” She speaks with her mouth full of salad. The salad Lisa happily paid for and Mina was not _so_ happy about it. What is it with people and salad? Diet? Perhaps Lisa shouldn’t be the one talking as she isn’t eating anything at all.

“What did you think? Did it end like you thought it would?”

Whilst Lisa’s friends discuss the show; her eyes wander off around the cafeteria – the same cafeteria she has been to over a thousand times. 

College is so diverse compared to high school. Here people don’t _have to_ fit in, they don’t _have to_ be in a clique, they don’t _have to_ act unnaturally to be able to fit in to be in a clique. They can be themselves, be it with friends or without.

Lisa looks over to the person sitting alone, furthest in and nearest the window. He has no problem sitting alone (Lisa thinks). Had it been in high school, people would’ve thought that he was a loner, or he was bullied. But in college, there are no worries. Students mind their own businesses as they all do the same things pretty much – attend lectures and go home at the end of the day.

“So, what should we do today? It’s Friday. Girls’ night at my house maybe?” Wendy suggests and Mina nods happily.

“Yes, oh, my God. It’s been ages, like six months ago?”

“ _Slightly_ exaggerating, it’s been a month.” Lisa chuckles, placing her elbows on the table and her face on both of her palms. “I’m up for it, got nothing else to do anyways. Besides, would be great to get my mind off these thoughts.” The brunette continues to laugh but her friends don’t. Not at first but they eventually join, though not very sincerely. More like awkward laughter.

“Good!” Wendy exclaims, “When do your classes end? Mine ends at two-ish.”

“I only got a meeting after our lunch break, so I’d say one-thirty, not sure but I’ll message you guys if it takes longer than that,” Lisa says, looking at Wendy as the latter smiles.

“2 P.M. for me too.”

“Great!” Wendy beams. How can one be so cheerful? “We’ll meet up by the entrance?”

“Yeah.” Mina nods, “So, what’re we gonna do? Same old same?” The raven-haired grins, placing all her garbage on the empty plate, and wipes her mouth with a napkin.

“Same old same?” Lisa asks as her brows furrow.

“Don’t play dumb, Manoban.” Mina glares but it’s rapidly replaced with a smile. “Movies, singing, dancing and just talking shit. The same old stuff we usually do on a girls’ night.”

“You know I hate dancing,” Lisa frowns, and leans back on her chair, sliding down.

“And even then, you’re always the first one suggesting that we dance.” Wendy points out and Mina giggles causing Lisa to roll her eyes.

“Anyways, I gotta ditch first. My meeting starts in five, but I’ll see you after 2.” Lisa gives them both an awkward side hug before dashing off to her meeting.

She stands before the elevator, waiting for it to arrive, and so do 10 other students. Whilst waiting, Lisa brings out her Air Pods and plugs them to her ear. The elevator arrives. Withal, she takes out her phone, opening up Spotify and picks out her playlist that has not been changed for over a year. All the while she walks inside the elevator.

She is the last person to enter the elevator, thus here she is, standing before a bunch of strangers. However, she quickly turns around as she finds it quite awkward facing them and having eye contact.

They slowly ascend upward and whilst waiting for her floor, which is the 6th floor, and also having to wait for the others to get off, she takes out her phone and taps on the Messages app. There she locates a now unknown number to her phone, but it’s a number that is burnt to her memory. She clicks on the message and reads it: _Even if our relationship is not the same as before, I still want us to say hey to each other and talk if we ever meet. No bad blood. Take care of yourself._

Her heart clenches painfully after having read the very familiar text, a text she has read over and over, and has not had the heart to delete it… yet. She should, but she doesn’t for some strange reason. Though it’s sad to say, Lisa is a hoarder, a hoarder of pictures and text messages. But she sees them as a reminder for her, for what her behavior and for what her personality has done. A past she’ll never get away from because, in the end, she’ll just keep hurting the people she loves. She has toxic traits, she thinks, but does she really’? She loves her friends. She’d never do anything to hurt them, not intentionally at least.

Nonetheless, her pictures and text messages with people that she has separated from are not all bad. They’ve been good, once before, but now, it’s haunting repeat button for her. Even though she gets rid of them physically, they are not possible to get rid of mentally. They’re stuck with her forever, and she has to find a way to accept them.

Lisa shakes her head, seeing as she has arrived at her floor.

-

_“Are you home?” Lisa asks, smiling from ear to ear, wide enough for it to hurt later, as she speaks on the phone with her friend. If people were to see her in her state, they would with no doubt question her lovesickness for this particular friend._

_“I am,” her friend answers, and there’s some rustling in the background._

_“What are you even doing?”_

_“I’m tryna find a comfortable spot on my bed. Besides that, nothing really. Just bored out of my mind. What are you gonna wear by the way?”_

_Lisa rolls her eyes, chuckling. “Jennie, you are so weird on so many levels. Just lay down and you’ll get comfortable.”_

_“For your information, I_ am _lying down, so shut it.” There’s a small giggle from the other line and it makes Lisa smile even more. Not sure if it’s possible. Perhaps she can smile beyond her ears. In her imagination for sure._

_“And for your question, I don’t know. What I wear for school. My regular outfit.”_

_“Sounds plain.”_

_“Well, as I recall it, you stamped me as a plain person at the beginning of our friendship. So, I’m aware of that, Miss Kim.”_

_“Uh, that was not me though,” Jennie retorts, snorting. “Sure, I give you that I agreed on that you are plain, but I never really said those words. It was Chaeyoung.”_

_“You and Chaeyoung are basically the person.”_

_“We are not the same. How? Enlighten me, please.”_

_“Miss feisty is coming at me. Don’t hurt me.” Lisa snickers, rolling around and lies on her back as she faces the ceiling. Her smile still wide enough. She is indeed a fool in love. But love is a scary word. She’s not sure what to call this feeling. It’s more of a like than a love situation. Hard to explain. She loves her friend but likes her more than a friend. Once again, love is a scary word._

_“Because you’re dumb.”_

_Lisa can see Jennie rolling her eyes in front of her._

_“Heard that before too.”_

_“Whatever.”_

_It’s a short moment of silence. It’s pleasant, and Lisa just can’t get rid of her smile. She’s probably blushing at this point._

_A fool._

_“Do you wanna hang? Before we go to Chaeyoung’s.” Lisa hesitates with her question, and she doesn’t know why she still hesitates as it’s her friend she’s asking, not a stranger. Not that she’d ever ask a stranger. “Before we celebrate Chaeyoung’s birthday tonight.”_

_A fool for sure._

_“Yeah, sure.”_

_“Cool,” Lisa says, and at this point, can her smile get even wider? Her eyes are squinting right now. “I’ll see you in five.”_

_“Okay, see you.” And the phone call disconnects._

_Lisa bids goodbye to her aunt and her aunt’s grandchild, peppering the baby with dozens of kisses before she leaves. She hurries down the stairs and out of the apartment building. She rushes to the car and gets inside as quickly as she can. Switching on the engine, Lisa drives out of the parking slot and heads for Jennie’s house._

_After a less than five minutes’ drive, she reaches her destination, parking the car near the edge of a walking path before killing the engine and hops out._

_No matter how many times Lisa has seen Jennie before, she always gets this rush of adrenaline and it’s completely unreasonable and unfathomable. Why does her body do this to her?_

_Lisa arrives at the front door, knocking it a few times before taking a step back. She hears Jennie’s little brother’s voice. She realizes it’s the youngest. Behind the door, she hears the youngest one approaching the door as he keeps on babbling._

_“Lisa! Hi.” The 7-year-old Randy beams and Lisa grabs him in for a hug._

_“Hi, Randy. Where’s your sister?” She asks, and takes a step inside, removing her shoes before closing the door after her._

_“She’s upstairs.”_

_Though, before she heads up, she goes further inside the house and greets the other brother and Jennie’s mom._

_The brunette trudges up the stairs and her feet automatically directs her to Jennie’s room. The door is already open, so she just walks in. She leaves her coat on James’ bed. He’s the second youngest._

_And as if on cue, she jumps on the bed and pretty much cuddles up to Jennie. Something she has been doing more frequently now. She tries to not push it too much as her liking her friend has not come up to the spotlight. She doesn’t think it’ll happen anytime soon. Hence, she tries to put a limit on her affectionate side. Failing miserably, to say the least._

_“Hi.”_

_Lisa settles her leg over Jennie’s body, and Jennie doesn’t seem to bother at all as she lies on her stomach. Odd. She’s not one for physical connection._

_“That was quick.” Jennie browses around on Instagram on her phone._

_“I got a car.” Lisa shakes her head, but she smiles, nonetheless. She is a fool in love._

_Without further ado, Lisa places her arm over Jennie’s upper back and tries to stop Jennie from browsing as she saw something interesting on her phone. In order to do that, she grabs a hold of Jennie’s two fingers – the index and the long finger – and just that tiny interaction has her heart beating up to her ears._

_“He’s hot, right?” Jennie asks, referring to the post you had stopped her at._

_“Jay Park is always hot, he_ is _Jay Park_ after all _.”_

_Lisa quickly grabs out her phone, situating it in front of Jennie’s face. Rapidly, she pulls out Snapchat and records, but Jennie knew from the start what Lisa was going to do, hence why she’s covering her face._

_“Wouldn’t you want to say that to Jihoon?” Lisa teases, and slips her arm under the latter’s head and tries to remove Jennie’s hand from her face._

_“Lisa, stop,” Jennie whines, but she giggles all the while. Lisa finds her extremely cute when she giggles, especially when she’s the one making Jennie laugh. “Don’t make me expose you.”_

_“You wouldn’t.”_

_“Jihoon and Lia!”_

_And that’s Lisa’s cue. She stops recording and lets her phone plop down next to Jennie’s computer. However, her arm is still dangling over Jennie’s body whilst she withdraws her other arm, placing it under her head._

_“I told you,” Jennie says._

_Lisa just rolls her eyes. “I never should’ve told you that Jihoon likes Lia.”_

_“Exactly, so why are you pushing him to me? He_ likes _Lia.” Jennie touches Lisa’s tattoo on her forearm, and the action sparks butterflies in her stomach. It also makes her heart beat faster than normal._

_“I meant liked,” she tries to correct herself, but it’s too late. “You know he likes you, otherwise he wouldn’t have messaged you, and still does.”_

_“Well, for starters, that’s because_ you _made him message me.” Jennie sighs, but Lisa just laughs. That she did. “And second, he doesn’t like me. We’re_ friends _.” Jennie makes sure to point out the word friends._

_Swiftly, Lisa hangs her arm over the latter’s body and slides her hand under Jennie’s bod, trapping her and it causes the latter to giggle again. The movement forces the duo to get even closer than before, and they don’t usually get this close._

_“Friends, my ass.” Lisa retorts._

_She could’ve said that without getting entangled with her friend. Because, it’s unnecessary contact, especially for friends. Any_ friend _would’ve at least stayed at least a meter away from their friend and spoken like normal friends. But here is Lisa and Jennie, cuddled up in Jennie’s bed and Lisa is literally back hugging her, her petite breasts pressed against Jennie’s back._

_Jennie’s not resisting because she just giggles, and her giggle does so many things to Lisa. Also, when she subtly runs her fingers over Lisa’s tattoos? In silence too? Gosh, that’s just too much._

_Nonetheless, Lisa and Jennie are just friends_ _and that’s all they’ll ever be. Though in the back of Lisa’s head, she wishes for more. But that’s not something she’ll ever unveil. A secret for her to keep and for it to not reach Jennie’s ears._

-

“Can we all take a moment of this, right here?” Wendy says, and both Lisa and Mina just stares at her with their brows furrowed. “What? I’m just trying to thank God for this evening because we haven’t done this in a fucking while!”

Whilst Lisa chuckles at their friend, Mina rolls her eyes. Afterward, they both pop down on the floor with their plate of food on their lap. On the other hand, Wendy is standing up and _honestly_ having her moment with God.

“Eh, God wouldn’t want your food to get cold,” Lisa butts in and says.

“I agree with Lisa,” Mina says, leaning on the couch behind her.

“Fine, fine. Y’all seriously know how to ruin a moment with God.”

“I don’t believe in God, but sure thing, if you say so,” Lisa talks with her mouth full. “Before you _do_ sit down, can you grab me a glass?”

“You need one too, Mina?” And the latter nods.

With Netflix running on the background and her friends chattering with one another, Lisa also takes in the moment with her friends. 

It’s been a while. 

Since she has been able to have a gathering with her college friends without going around moping over a heartbreak or another painful event. And with all the depressive thoughts and the overthinking. It utterly destroyed her. It still does up until this day. She’s not saying they’re completely gone as they still lurk at the back of her head, waiting to strike her at her lowest point in life. Which she has been to multiple times. Some would get used to it by now, but Lisa is not one of them “some”. 

It’s exhausting every time, and it seems to get stronger every time.

The feeling of being overpowered by one’s feelings and thoughts is just not something she can possibly get used to. Seeing that it has become a habit to her – an old, distressing habit. She can’t get rid of it… no, she can’t let it go. 

Once a year, her overwhelming feelings and thoughts come around to play. And if they don’t (they do), she’ll think of why it isn’t striking her to the point she jinxes herself. Automatically, she ruins herself by doing so. Hence, she cannot be happy for long.

“Lisa.”

Wendy’s voice snaps her back to reality, the harsh and cruel one.

“Do you want Coke or Sprite?” She goes on, showing up both of them.

“Sprite, thank you.”

Wendy hands the half-empty bottle to her whilst analyzing the latter. But she quickly shakes her head; she shouldn’t. If Lisa wants to talk, she _will_ talk. It’s not the ideal situation to push the wrong button as it hasn’t been long since she started climbing up the ladder instead of taking the never-ending circle of stairs.

“So, what are we watching?” Mina asks, taking out the pieces of onions from her plate.

“Maleficent,” Wendy answers, feeling slightly giddy over the movie. “I told Lisa to watch it, but she never did. So, here we are.”

“Actually…” Lisa finishes the food in her mouth before speaking again, “I’ve already seen the first one, but it was years ago.” 

“Good, good,” she says, nodding. “Now you have a reason to watch it again. Trust me, you’ll love me for making you watch it again.”

“Do I even get a say in this?” Mina butts in, looking back and forth at her friends.

Lisa shrugs whilst Wendy says, “Nope.”

“Let’s fatten up and dance afterwards. Well, after the movie of course.” Lisa suggests… once again.

“Look who’s wanting to dance,” Wendy squints her eyes, looking at the latter, but there’s a small smile lingering. “Again.”

Lisa shrugs again. “At least I don’t suck at it.” She smiles, and her friends look at her, contently.

-

“How was Thailand?” Jisoo asks, leaning against the counter as you brew your daily coffee before the opening of the café you both worked at.

“It was great,” Lisa says, briefly and cold. She didn’t mean to. “I would’ve crashed into the wall if I hadn’t gone.” Lisa turns to meet the eyes of the latter, and she smiles. Though, she’s not certain if it’s a genuine one. Nonetheless, it’s a smile.

Lisa turns her eyes back to the coffee whilst asking, “How was Vietnam? Did you have a good time?”

“It was good all right.” Jisoo pushes herself away from the counter, turning around to take a sip from her iced tea. “But someone else had a greater time. Right, Nayeon?”

Just as Jisoo said that Nayeon walks out with her apron untied.

“What?” Nayeon asks, confusedly.

“Lisa’s asking us about Vietnam,” Jisoo clarifies.

“Oh,” Nayeon hums, tying her apron in the front. “The parties weren’t as good as the last time we were there. The only good place was the rooftop party we were at last time.”

“Ninja Wave?” Lisa fills her mug with brewed coffee, adding oat milk and some sugar before stirring.

“Yeah.” Nayeon nods, “Jisoo here, had a blast. She completely robbed guys of shots. Instead of taking one shot, she made them buy her three. A thief in a dress.”

“Your tolerance is better. Taking three shots and all that, what a beast.” Lisa is amazed.

“Says the girl who got three guys on the same night. One after another,” Jisoo snickers, and Nayeon just gasps.

“What?” Lisa bulges her eyes, and she has stopped stirring. And just a for a very brief second, her mind thought of Jennie. But the name didn’t stay for long as she shook her head.

“You’re making me sound like a slut,” Nayeon exclaims. “That’s not what happened. Sure, I got three guys, but the first guy only bought me shots. The second one, well, he actually wanted to hit on me–”

“But you fatally rejected him without even knowing what you were doing,” Jisoo adds.

“Well, I’m slow. You can’t blame me. Either way, he wanted to hit on me, and I didn’t know that until Jennie told me what he was up to. No wonder why the guy didn’t want to leave my side, even though his friends pestered him to go out and take a cigarette with them. He must’ve been dying for one though.”

“You really are dense,” Lisa says, half-laughing. Jennie revisits her mind but shakes it off once again.

“Anyways, the third guy was just friendly. He followed all of us on Instagram, and pretty much bought 20 shots of Tequila. Talk about being a big spender. And guess who took three shots?” Nayeon winks at Jisoo.

“Y’all crazy,” Lisa states, but she, too, is crazy. They’re after all friends and have all been in the same group.

“By the way, Lisa,” Nayeon says, doing small tasks before they open the café. “You should come to Octagon.”

“Octagon? Nah, I’m good. I’m done partying.” For good, but Lisa doesn’t say that.

“It’ll be fun,” Jisoo comments, ushering Lisa to come.

“Nah.” Lisa shakes her head, “It’s good. You guys go.”

“Aren’t your Gangnam friends coming though?” Nayeon wipes the counters an extra time.

Lisa shrugs. “I don’t know. I haven’t really spoken to them since the last time we were in Octagon. Christmas Eve, I think, when you guys were away in Vietnam.”

“So, how was Octagon during Christmas Eve?”

Lisa looks over to Jisoo as she responds, “Good.”

But the three of them, including Lisa herself, know she’s lying.

“You should party more often with the Gangnam gang, they know how to drink,” Lisa recommends, her lips pursing.

“That’s why you should come to Octagon next week.”

Lisa isn’t sure if Jisoo’s suggesting her to come with _them_ or go with her Gangnam friends. She’s confused. Nonetheless, she doesn’t think it’s the first one because that would be too weird. Especially after everything that has happened within their group – used to be a group. Surely, the others still hang, but Lisa and Chaeyoung have parted ways with them. Chaeyoung has _her_ reasons for taking another path.

However, Lisa agreed with herself that she should still try and be friends with Jisoo and Nayeon. They had and still don’t have anything to do what happened between Jennie and her, and it would just be terribly wrong of her. Though, she couldn’t help but feel that they sided with Jennie when everything erupted. She sort of felt betrayed. But it’s all right, she doesn’t remember being a good friend either since she repeatedly tried to break her friendship with them. So, it’s understandable, if they _did_ side with Jennie.

-

_“I’m sorry,” Lisa says. As if it was her last ammunition to shoot. She’s desperate. But she knows it won’t work, not anymore, as the word ‘sorry’ doesn’t affect the latter. She has said it too many times. Lisa is always sorry, but it has become a manipulative word now._

_“Please, stop.” Jennie’s voice is surprisingly calm, and Lisa hates to admit it but Jennie being calm during these periods of times scares her the most. She’d rather have her lash out on her instead of the calmness right here. The calm before the storm, except there is no storm. Jennie is the storm._

_Lisa goes mute, waiting for the brunette to continue._

_“I’ve gone back and forth with all of this, whether I should be honest with you or not,” she sighs, looking out from the windshield whilst Lisa looks at her. However, only for a moment. “But it’s probably time for you to know the truth.”_

_This does not sound good. With the way she phrases it, there’s only one way out of this conversation. And it’s them parting ways._

_Lisa wants to cry. However, before they met up, Jennie told her not to cry as she didn’t want their talk to be sentimental. As Jennie phrased it, ‘sentimental shit’. Lisa was quite furious when she read the text message. How can she tell Lisa that when the latter knows_ how _sentimental she can get?_

_“We’ve known each other for years, Lalisa. And never once have I seen a side of you so_ terrifying _, so_ manipulative _that I had to question myself that night if it was Lalisa,_ my friend _, that was texting me.”_

_Lisa nods slowly. She doesn’t know what to say at this point. She can’t do shit to save their friendship as she was the one who tarnished it. She’s the one to blame, not Jennie. So, why is it that in her head, she wants to put all the blame on Jennie? For making her feel the way she does. For being her… But Lisa is an idiot. Once again, she is too blame for everything that has happened. Had she just shut her mouth up, none of this would’ve happened. Because she knew all of her answers, she knew Jennie’s answer when she confessed. She guesses her heart didn’t take a liking of the answer._

_“Our friendship, as I’ve realized now, was over the second you chose to treat me the way you did. You honestly pushed me to a corner because you didn’t get to hear the words you wanted to hear and made me feel as if I had no choice but to go your way. Despite all of that, all of your appalling words that left me mentally frightened that night, I was still willing to keep our friendship even though you kept wanting to break it off. Fleeing because that’s what you do. I wanted to save our friendship that we worked so hard on, I wanted to give it another try. But perhaps, I should have listened to you and let us take different paths back then.”_

_Lisa can hear it. The sound of her heart cracking in an unduly slow speed but the sound of it was unusually loud and clear. And this uncomfortable clutch in her stomach, the same old clutch she usually receives in difficult times in her life. It repeatedly clenches in the pit of her stomach and Lisa wishes for it to go away more than anything. But perhaps she deserves what she’s going through right now._

_“Both parties’ emotional needs in a friendship need to have an equal role but the only emotional needs that mattered in this friendship were apparently your own. Not once did you show consideration for my feelings and my well-being when you went on your way and treated me the way the Lalisa_ I know _would’ve never treated me. If you really cared about me, as you say you do, you would’ve never made me feel as bad as you did.”_

_Lisa nods again._

_“I was stupid, no, I_ am _stupid for allowing you to have the upper hand. But I had no choice but to allow myself to be controlled. The last thing I wanted to risk was that you would get yourself to do something stupid.”_

_It hits Lisa mentally. These words. And the clutch she’s feeling? It’s no longer a clutch, it’s a dagger, stabbing her on and on, as a consequence for manipulating her friend. It wasn’t intentional. It never was._

_“I’m so tired of this, Lalisa. Tired of you using_ it _as a tool to manipulate me to get what you want. Tired of this emotional blackmail that I have to constantly endure, and I shouldn’t have to. I don’t want to be a part of this game if you’re not going to consider my feelings too.”_

_Lisa waits for Jennie to continue. It’s done for… she’s done for._

_“Is this the valuable friendship you’re talking about? The one you want to keep? Because in my dictionary, true friendship doesn’t work this way. And we agreed to behave normally, didn’t we? But look where we are today, look at us. Is there any idea to try and save a friendship that causes all this suffering for both of us?”_

_“No…” Lisa inevitably let out a meager answer. She knows fully well that the friendship between her and Kim Jennie is long gone._

_“It pains me to say this, you whom I’ve always seen as one of my closest friends, a family member. But letting go of a toxic friendship is sadly the healthiest choice for both of us.”_

_“I’m sorry…” Is all Lisa can say. She truly is._

_“I assume you have nothing to say anymore.” Jennie looks at her, but Lisa can’t bear the thought of having those eyes as the last memory of Jennie. So, Lisa shakes her head. “I wish you the best. Take care of yourself.”_

_In a very meager, broken voice, Lisa mumbles, “Bye…”_

_As Jennie is about to get out of the car, she stops and turns around, facing Lisa again._

_“Don’t think there is bad blood between us. We can still say hi and talk when seeing each other.”_

_Hearing Jennie say that sparks a very small hope inside of Lisa, but Lisa is too damaged, too lost in her own mind, that the hope promptly dies._

**Author's Note:**

> :)


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